at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize