I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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