You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
