We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im holly from the hills drunk
Come see our sink grown plant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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