onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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