***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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