BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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