the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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