Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
