I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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