Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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