Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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