i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
