she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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