We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize