Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
