She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
