He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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