if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
