20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
