i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
