I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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