new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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