I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
