she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish i was in the wii world.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
