omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
