So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize