They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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