nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
