I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're not piercing ourselves today.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
