Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
