You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
