It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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