Ambien. No doubt about it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
