Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
