He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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