Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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