all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
