Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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