Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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