My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
