Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
