I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
