And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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