i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
