I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
