twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
