I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
