I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My dick has a subreddit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
