I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
