Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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