Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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