I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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