I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
