Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My ass is underappreciated
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
