flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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