if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
