Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
