Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
