the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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