You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize