He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
