I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
