I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
