well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His nipple licking is glorious
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