i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize