will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
