no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
