He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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