She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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