Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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