They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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