Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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