we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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