He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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