Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
