Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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