It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
