I am in a vortex of obligation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
