Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize