I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
