Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
