i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
