I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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