walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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